For the most part, people want the same thing from a romantic partner. People want spouses and partners who are:

Caring and kind
Fun to be around

Relationships are difficult to maintain when they are filled with conflict, negativity and a lack of trust.

So, what does it take to maintain a healthy relationship?
People in long-term, satisfying relationships tend to do the following (this advice is adapted from Montgomery, Cole and Bradac, and Canary and Stafford’s work on Relational Maintenance):

Slow, but Consistent – Relationships work the best when people go slow and take their time getting to know each other. Whirlwind romances usually end in disaster. It also helps to be consistently supportive and encouraging. Inconsistent behavior causes misunderstandings and uncertainty.

Keep Things Upbeat – Relationships work the best when partners express a positive and upbeat attitude towards each other. Genuine displays of happiness and affection go a long way when trying to make a relationship work. By contrast, relationships fail when indifference, anger and negativity become the norm. In fact, even a little negativity can create a lot of problems in a close relationship. This does not mean that people cannot express negative feelings in a relationship, but that there are appropriate (and inappropriate) ways of dealing with one’s negative feelings

Approach Problems Together – Couples feel closer and are more satisfied with their relationships when they approach problems and difficulties as a team. Couples who take an US versus the PROBLEM, rather than a YOU versus ME approach to conflict are much happier in the long run.
Don’t Take Each Other For Granted – Over time, couples typically take each other for granted. At the start of a relationship people appreciate all the things that their partners do for them. However, as time goes on, people tend to expect more, but acknowledge a partner’s contributions less often. To keep a relationship happy and healthy it is important to show appreciation on a consistent basis.

Appreciate Differences – Relationships work the best when partners have a lot in common, but respect and appreciate the differences that do exist. It helps to appreciate someone for who they are rather than try to change them or how they behave

Be Approachable – People need to be able to talk freely with a romantic partner. Sharing what is going on in one’s life and how one feels about issues is important to do. But, being open with a partner is not always easy because it requires spouses to tell the truth and to LISTEN to things that may be difficult to hear. Listening in an attempt to UNDERSTAND, not control, evaluate, or judge is critical to having an satisfying relationship.

Express Commitment – Relationships work the best when partners reassure each other of their love and commitment. It never hurts to tell a spouse that you love him or her and that you will always be there.

Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  • shaheena  On October 30, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Dear Gulsha

    Beautiful Note and will implement this. This is a great start for me and my hubby.

    Thank You

  • Syed Salman Chishty  On October 30, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Dear Begum ,
    This is from your heart to your heart ,from our soul to your soul …..

    They who are near me do not know that
    you are nearer to me than they are…

    Those who speak to me do not know that
    my heart is full with your unspoken words…

    Those who crowd in my path do not
    know that I am walking alone with you…

    Love you always and forever …..

  • Adina Rodgers  On June 28, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    You have come forward and held my hands to walk alongside the path chosen. You have given me respect, regard , love and also knowledge. I am blessed and truly gifted by the Almighty to have been given the grace. You have given me life and breath by accepting me with all my flaws. Salman I have no words to express my gratitude to you and in this I have no regrets for any sacrifice as I look at you as not any I am not aware .

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: